Sunday, March 15, 2009

How I Feel Right Now

When I don't feel like opening the floodgates of my own heart and mind, it's nice that there are other people who can do the explaining for me.

This is how I feel right now. Like, literally.

"Yesterday" - Ace Troubleshooter

I remember a different time
I remember a different me
When there was springtime in my heart
But it's winter
And I'm shivering with cynicism now
And I long for yesterday

Yesterday, a day of joy
A day of limitless possibilities
I remember a different boy
With love surrounding, joy abounding
Peace resounding
Where, oh where did that boy go?

What's wrong with me now, God?
My world is gray
So please help me out, I pray
Because I want to live in yesterday

Take me back to a time of naivete
Never-ending days
And no need to question things
Because I'm tired of staring out my window
Wishing I was someone I should be
I guess I remember a different me

What's wrong with me now, God?
My world is gray
So please help me out, I pray
Because I want to live in yesterday

Sunday, March 1, 2009

It Takes A Little Shake Up From The Rift

At the beginning of each blog, I assume that there is someone out there reading this. And not only that, but I take it to the next step and I believe that there is someone out there who understands and agrees with me as well. Maybe I'm wrong, but it helps get ideas out of my head, knowing that they may be appreciated. So thanks, I guess. 

I don't know what my issue is, but I just realized yesterday that I haven't been fair to my coworkers. Instead of thinking the best of these people to start off with, I wrote them all off to drama, kids, ex-husbands, smoking, jail, and stupidity. Sure, many of my coworker's lives have been affected by these and other life events. But just because my life has taken a different path, that doesn't necessarily make me any better than them. We've both ended up at the same place. This reminds me of a scene in "Revolutionary Road" where Kate is telling Leo that their life together in Suburbia has turned into every other life that they have so long despised and felt superior to. They were no better than these people. I've done the same thing.

Anyways, all of that was to say that I should give people a little more credit. One of my fellow servers told me yesterday that I don't talk about myself. She said, "I know where you went to college, and what you studied, and that's it." And I said that I didn't want to bore people with my drama, since there was already so much filling the restaurant. She told me that it's not drama, it's OK if people want to talk more than I do, which is hardly at all at work. To which I said, "I still haven't been able to bridge the gap between coworker and friend."

The second I said it, I wished I hadn't. The girl that I was talking to is actually one of my favorite people to work with, and I think I hurt her feelings. I don't know. If I was telling the truth, I should have said, "I still haven't found out how to treat my coworkers with the same respect that I treat my friends." That's my problem, or one of them at least, and I'm gonna work on it.